SCENE: Smallish suburban bedroom, unnervingly tidy. It is completely quiet.

Out of nowhere, a frenzied man bursts through one of the interior walls, landing inside the room in a pile of broken sheetrock. He is apparently in excruciating pain, grasping at his head, and screaming through clenched teeth. LIke a madman, he whips his head around the room, suddenly focused. His bloodshot eyes focus on his nightstand. Zooming in closer, we see a bottle of pain killers. He leaps over his bed, grabs the bottle, and has gotten the top off almost before he lands. Spilling pills everywhere, he slams the bottle against his agape mouth, swallowing the product. Seconds later, the screaming stops and the man is fast asleep on the bed. Fade to black with Aleve logo.
SCENE: Looking into a spotless suburban kitchen from another room, with a high, level point of view. Sound of scraping metal to screen left.

We do a flat vertical pan from high to low, revealing the parquet floor is stained with a large puddle of blood. Stay on this shot for about 10 seconds. Scraping sound stops. From screen left, a listless old woman (grandmotherly) trudges across the screen, pushing a Swiffer Wet Jet in front of her through the puddle. As she walks out of frame, we see she has tracked blood across the floor with her orthopedic shoes, despite the fact that the Swiffer has left a spotless shine where it passed. A large white horse follows behind her. Pan back up to original position. Fade to black.
SCENE: Suburban kitchen, morning.

Comfortable looking suburban housewife, smiling gloriously as she lovingly prepares a tray of breakfast food in slow motion. Incredibly soothing music with angelic female vocals is the only audio. As her husband enters, she turns toward him and glows, figuratively and literally. She excitedly brings over the tray of food as he sits at the breakfast table, also smiling, but in a creepy, unnerving way. The music fades out quickly. Suddenly, his eyes fixate on his tray of food, his face turns dark red, and his whole body starts to visibly shake. Zoom in on his hand scrambling for his fork, clenching it tightly. The housewife panics as she realizes she forgot something very important. Hurrying to the cabinet, she opens it to find the bottle of Aunt Jemima's syrup. She hands it to her husband who instantly calms, but is exhausted from the exertion. He pops open the red top, tips back his head and squeezes the entire bottle into his mouth as syrup runs out of his mouth onto his previously spotless suit, shirt, and tie. The couple look at each other lovingly and smile as the camera pulls back. The angelic music starts up again as the scene fades to white.
link to this post   11:02 AM by Trey | (7)

Are you fucking kidding me? When you mentioned this "idea" to me, I was pretty sure that it was the lamest thing I'd ever heard. I was thinking that I should post it on the internet so everyone could see how idiotic you are, but you went and did the job for me.

Hey, why don't you go post a missed connection about how you missed puberty and went straight to gayness?
# posted by Scarlett : 8/25/2007 12:05 PM
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
# posted by Anonymous : 8/25/2007 7:36 PM
I wouldn't worry about it, anonymous. As with most of the shit that goes up on this site, "Ms. O'hara's" commentary is tongue-in-cheek, and not mean-spirited. In fact, he is even more self-obsessed than I am! What a dick!
# posted by Trey : 8/25/2007 7:53 PM
Alter ego? Please! Tongue and Cheek? You wish! Sorry people, but Trey is way too idiotic to create a scheme like this, and way too arrogant to write anything to insult himself. If you ask me, he continues to post my comments because he wants people to think women are fighting over him?.not really the case??

God bless your poor, fragile, tiny self-image!
# posted by Scarlett : 8/26/2007 1:55 PM
This is getting too real.
# posted by Trey : 8/26/2007 2:36 PM
"Tongue and Cheek?" Sounds like this Scarlett character's a bit of a dumbass. Don't sweat the haters, yo...
# posted by Dagney : 8/26/2007 10:18 PM
I don't know what the big deal is. Are you people trying to hurt me? I don't even know anyone named Scarlett!?!
# posted by Trey : 8/26/2007 10:21 PM