Capt. Gaylord Tells It Like It Is (Season Finale)

Things have been crazy in this world lately. Times are tough, now: the interest is up, the stock market's down, gas prices fluctuating wildly. You don't even feel safe walking around at night for fear that some crazy hood's going to try to steal your shoes, stab you with cuticle scissors, dowse you with a special blend of lipstick and hair conditioner, and inevitably make you explode. What a way to go.

It's not just the street toughs that you have to watch, 'cuz sometimes even your own Mum and Dad are trying to take you down. You don't have to be Copernicus to see the stars in their eyes and know that something is rotten in the state of Denmark. They see a young, attractive, successful man and know that they can coast through retirement on his wise and diversified investment strategy.

Even your friends, best friends, and BFFs are on the watch list. Not so much trying to take you out, but trying to bring you down. As you may know, I have a penchant for dressing outlandishly at the drop of at hat. Sometimes this may lead to confusion among those less creative, dynamic, and liberated as I but if I want to dress in all white after Labor Day, wear a tube top and cut-off jean shorts, or even just a pink t-shirt that says "Heart Smart" (and nothing else), I should be comfortable doing that around people I trust, right? Invariably, someone will say "Why are you wearing that stupid outfit?" Well, I just say what I always say, "Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?" That always shuts them up.

Signing off,

Trey