Hurricane Ivan Storm Blog

Wednesday, 9:15 PM
The Vienna Sausages are gone, all gone. I sat down to watch Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, & Blonde, and when I looked down after the credits rolled, there were empty cans scattered all over the couch. All that's left is the liquid that they are packed in, which I will collect in a pot and save for a stew. The weight of this situation is only now starting to sink in...damn your appetite, Gustave!

I was just crying, cupping my face in my hands, tears spilling out unhindered. When I raised my head, through the tears, I glimpsed some Vienna Sausages in my grasp, waiting to be placed in my open, grateful mouth. However, I had mistaken my own moist, pruned fingers for that which I desire most, the primary pork export of Vienna. Oh Yahweh! Why have you forsaken me!?!

I have now only one of those little packages of orange crackers sandwiching a thin layer of peanut-butter. I have half a litre of PowerAde. If my rationing plan fails, I will have to begin foraging very soon. I'm trying to win some eBay auctions for provisions, but some asshole keeps outbidding me. What is your problem, wienerlover73? Not everyone has time to sit around and keep clicking refresh while you outbid me by $1.23. If I wasn't in the middle of a maelstrom, I would drive to Santa Fe and teach you a lesson in pain.

Wednesday, 7 PM
Landlady stalking me relentlessly from Denver. She wants me to tape garbage bags over the windows in case the windows break so that rain won't get in the house. Does that sound like it would be effective in deterring gale force winds?

I don't know if this "curfew" means that you can't be outside if you are under 17 or anyone can't be outside. The guy at Molly's said that they would be open tonight.

There is a blood-red sky with clouds moving across it like sheep running from a wolf. "The skyline looked beautiful on fire."

Wednesday, 10 AM
My abandonment swells with the rising storm
No man is an island, but my soul is a volcano
From which my heart spews the fire of lust
Languish beneath the steam from my pits

Wednesday, 12:30 AM
Can't sleep. I remembered that I must make waterproof time capsules for all of my belongings. I have fashioned a make-shift canoe out of salvaged furniture and Vienna Sausage tins. Times like this, I look deep into my soul, truly, into the Heart of Darkness, and ponder, "What Would Jesus Do." I have decided that Jesus would sip Jameson on the rocks while watching some more of Apocalypse Now. Focus Manthey, focus.

Susan won't return my instant messages. I think she is ignoring me. Maybe the storm has already gotten her. Who knows. I can't remember the last time that I saw a human. Who will play "28 Days Later" with me? No one...what will I do with all this fake blood?

Tuesday, 8:30 PM
I ate three more cans of Vienna Sausage. Must stop philandering. Makes me lazy. If I am to stay strong and virile during the pounding onslaught of Ivan, I must be in top shape. The wind chimes on my front porch are calling for me. The clinkle so delicately, but their shenanigans don't fool me! They are mocking me. Can't take much more of this...

Tuesday, 6:15 PM
I can't decide whether to go to the Mermaid Lounge tonight or just stay home. I saw some awesome bands last night at Banks Street, including Malady (the new Richmond, VA supergroup!), Skitsystem (fellow Swedes), and Hunger Artist (music for impotent hurricanes).

Dear loyal readers, I have some bad news...
After having my last relationship ended by my girlfriend at the time leaving a "break-up" comment on one of my posts, I've decided to "take a break from blogging." When will I be back? I don't know. There are just too many people who have been scarred in the wake of my online journal. I need to find myself.

Tuesday, 5 PM
I am watching Apocalypse Now on DVD. I just ate two cans of Vienna Sausage, only 48 left. Must conserve.

Tuesday, 4 PM
I'm going to keep a running account of the events, both natural and unnatural, that I bear witness to over the course of Hurricane Ivan. This is the first post.

I just got back from Sav-A-Center. They were out of Perrier. Dang. This is sometimes referred to as the "calm before the storm," yet everywhere I look, panic burns in the eyes of the weak. I stride down the fresh produce section without deviating my glance to arrive at my goal. Mmmm...Vienna Sausage, canned pineapple, PowerAde!