You don't know fear until you have been on the business end of a 400lb piece of furniture as you navigate it down a flight of stairs. You also may or may not be familiar with lower back pain. I know both, my friends. I'm all moved in, yo.

I remember a few years ago, I was looking for apartments with Missy, Scott, and Luke. We went to check out a first floor apartment underneath this law practice of Maple Street. The ceilings were 6'8" tall. How do I know this? Because after I ducked into the living room, my height combined with the half inch from my shoes made my head scrape deliciously as I walked around. I was tickled that the agent still thought this particular rental would be an acceptable situation for me. "As long as you don't jump, you should be fine."

"How quaint..."

When the owners of my new apartment were showing me the place, we walked into a bedroom that looks out on the "French Quarter style" courtyard. The plants outside the window were blowing gently, and the guys says, "Yeah, look, you have prevailing winds comings in from the northeast [whatever that means], so you can open up these windows when you want some breeze..." He slid one of them up halfway, and the heated air from the central air conditioning units right under the window comes flowing in, blowing the shrubs on the way. Prevailing winds, MY ASS!

I smirked politely, "Close enough."