In the interest of safety regulations, They (TM) are trying to stop me from listening to my iPod (or using headphones at all) during work. If I go I will not be going quietly. In the case that they succeed, I will be forced to listen to blackmetal over my computer speakers at a reasonable volume. Blackmetal at a reasonable volume is still blackmetal, however, I will have to compensate in other areas to raise blackmetal awareness. These things may include:

• Handing out leather wristguards (minus spikes or shard protrustions)


• Personnel trained in devil lock maintainance


• Office furniture ergonomically designed to facilitate dark rituals and headbanging


• Vocabulary expansion program to introduce blackmetal language into everyday office tasks. For example, "Dion, would you mind cleaning up the conference room for the manager's meeting? That would be greeaat..." becomes, "Clean my filthhole lair for the meeting of the dark Lords. Heed my word, succubus."