One of my favorite hobbies as a New Orleanian is racing streetcars (aka TROLLEYS for you foreigners). When I am drunk or bored it seems to be the most hilarious thing in the world, so if you are athletically inclined and you wear sensible shoes, you might try it out.

Target a well-packed streetcar, the more people the better. Our trolleys (aka STREETCARS for you locals) move relatively slowly at all times, but if they are loaded down, they struggle. Anyway, if the car is full, they won't stop for you at all, unless they let someone off at the same time. This is your key to getting your audience. Run along the side of the streetcar as though you want to have a conversation with the people hanging out the windows. This means a slow jog, for the most part, but the frequent stops keep the average speed to about 15mph. As people start to notice your plight, they will inevitably start to cheer for you. If you can keep your speed consistent with the car (stopping for lights and to let people off), you will soon have the entire car screaming. If you actually want to get on the streetcar, this is a good time to do it. If not, then KEEP RUNNING. Jog in place at the stops. Dance if you want to.

Boom...Just dance if you feel like it, dude. Just fucking dance. Dance the way you want to dance and if anyone tries to clown, fucking dance them into outer space where there isn't even air or anything.

Anyway, I made it from Canal St. to Napolean before I realized how drunk I was. I ran down a side street to visit the little vomit boy's room, and when I came back, the streetcar was gone.