While strolling in the blustery New Orleans rain just a few minutes ago, I saw a used rubber glove laying in a puddle. It reminded me of a particularly disturbing scene that I witnessed this summer in San Francisco. (flashback animation)

Well, it only rained two days the entire summer, and this was one of those days. I worked at a store in North Beach and would walk to Chinatown everyday to get to my bus stop on Stockton St. While I was waiting, I saw a young Asian boy crouching over the curb with something in his hands. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was a used condom, covered in dirt and god(and you)knowswhatelse and he had his mouth up to the opening and was spitting into it and sucking it all back into his mouth. Holy shit. Initial shock fading, I took action.

After scolding him for a few seconds, I realized he spoke no English and was staring at me blankly. I looked around for his mother or any potential guardian...to no avail. Finally, I tried brute force, but he simply moved the item in question away from my repulsed fingers. Suddenly, I had a stroke of genius, and offered him the dollar that I was going to use for the bus. He understood this and replaced the soggy bill in my hand with the amazing phallic balloon that he had found. Eww. Fortunately, I had averted a minor atrocity. (I think) Unfortunately, I was now holding a used condom and needed bus fare. (reverse flashback animation)

I retrospect, I think that the whole thing might have been a really perverted scam.