It's been a while since I rapped at you, brothers and sisters, but it's been pretty busy in Treyland. Work's been hell, freelance clients are breathing down my neck, my pets are depressing me, and everyone hates me. I figure it's time to do some damage control, although since I don't actually plan on making any REAL changes, it is probably more spin control.

How I got to this point is probably worth exploring. I would have to point the finger at my diet. Doctors tell me I need more variety, so I started alternating between dinners of Oreos/milk and Doritos/Gatorade. I was feeling pretty good about this for a while, but I noticed my energy was slacking. I responded to this by upping my Gatorade intake, as I figured maybe I was running low on electrolytes. Well, needless to say, dinnertime just didn't produce the same excitement it usually does, so I started looking for alternatives:

Lundberg Organic Risotto
This has been my secret weapon for a while, and I'm trying to start a new "Policy of Truth," so I am coming clean. If you tell someone you cooked risotto for yourself the night before (people ask what I ate the night before all the time), they get totally impressed. Truth is, this only takes 25 minutes to cook and it tastes delicious, doggy daddy. Just don't eat the whole package by yourself, especially if you have company. You may have heard of the expression, "whiskey dick," but if you eat too much arborio rice you will quickly learn that "risotto dick" is just as deflating.

That got me thinking about my hair loss problem, which didn't help much with my funk. When it comes down to it, I ended up losing 50% of my hair (the "good" hair, no less) in the last month or so. There is nothing more depressing than a balding man's fauxhawk, so I swallowed my pride and held my head my head up high and started wearing more hats. Then I decided I was going to bring hat-wearing back, and not just baseball hats (gay), trucker caps (gayer), and tricorn caps (gayest). We are talking fedoras, bowlers, top-hats, and more. You see a dude walk into a party wearing a top-hat, and people know he is hiding more than a bald head. He could have some mashed potatoes under that hat. Same thing goes for a pope/bishop hat. The only person I have ever known to rock a pope's hat outside of my circle of clergyfriends is the lovely Liz Lou (Loo? Lew? Lieu???) and she has since gone down in history. Just the other night I saw Liz, and I was like "Liz, where is the popa hat?" and she was all like, "It is a Papal Mitre, you douchebag. Get out of my face!" I just laughed it off, but I forgot to tell her that I had heard that the pope hat is actually a solar-powered 50 CD changer (designed by Bono), and that's why he's always throwing his hands in the air and bobbin' that head.

Well, they asked me to refill the toilet paper dispenser in the unisex bathroom here at work, so I better roll out. I need food...and some steady bitches and hos...
link to this post   12:53 PM by Trey | (1)
By the waaaayy...

I've been meaning to clarify this, but this is the Official Website for Trey Manthey. This is not an imitation. I'm not going to point fingers, but some imposters have popped up on the 'net, and while their presence implies flattery, I'm not completely amused. So I just wanted to let you know that this is the Trey Manthey. The REAL Trey Manthey.

- Trey
link to this post   10:53 AM by Trey | (1)
I was driving to the CBD for lunch the other day and this HUGE block of styrofoam (it was the size of a small motorcycle, srsly) fell/blew out of the bed of this truck in front of me and landed on the interstate. The semi truck behind charging up the tarmac plowed straight into it and it EXPLODED into the awesomest explosion of styrofoam chunks I have ever seen. I was merging as this happened, so I got the full side view and screamed "FUCKIN' RIGHT!" as it happened and held up my fist in involuntary excitement. The best part? Master of Puppets was playing, and it was going into the really heavy jam part. It was so Beavis and Butthead. More Butthead than Beavis, cuz, ya know, I'm blonde.

Guess who wants to brag about their soon-to-be-shipped Core 2 Duo Macbook Pro which will be here no later than Monday? That's right! Me!
link to this post   10:13 AM by Trey | (1)
So I know this girl, right? Let's call her Hteb, even though that is a totally illogical fake name. Anyway, whenever this girl isn't too busy throwing food at me, not answering my phone calls, and generally schooling me at the city-wide popularity contest called Hipsterama, is pretty fly for an Asian Jew. Coincidentally, she just had a birthday, and rumour has it that it was a good one. Here's to Hteb!

This whole New Orleans "I-killed-my-girlfriend-and-cooked-her" fiasco has got me thinking about relationships and baking and stuff, and said event only highlights the fact that sometimes it can be really hard to make a relationship work, especially in the selfish 20 to 30 year old range. So here's to making it work!

I leave you with a quote from what I assume to be a famous Chinese philosopher (uncredited) which was in my Five Happiness fortune cookie at lunch today. I hope it makes you think as much as it did me:
If you're always a pessimist, consider
just how futile that attitude can be.
Lucky Numbers 7,5,33,8,28,11
Here's to keeping your head up!

P.S. - Isn't this dress over here kind of hot? Well, the whole ensemble, really. Even that wooden bench. Write me an email or comment about how you think this dress over here is hot, and maybe I will finally publish my epic short story entitled Memoirs of a Party Balloon.
link to this post   4:01 PM by Trey | (0)

It is not often that I feel strongly about a piece of clothing, but every once in a while my metrosexuality kicks in. I feel a yearning which cannot be ignored; my thoughts are consumed with my own vanity. I recently was overcome when I saw the Kenneth Cole boots that are pictured to the left.

I tried these on in the New Orleans store and was instantly smitten, despite the $335 price tag. Had they had my size in stock, I would have bought them then, but assurance from friends had me convinced to order the size 14 when they went on sale.

To my utter disappointment, the salesperson I just talked to at 1-800-KEN-COLE just told me that the size 14 was a limited run and there would not be any more made. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
link to this post   5:32 PM by Trey | (2)